Is it possible to not be able to see your own beauty? (think you're really ugly but you're actually pretty)?

yes, in fact most girls and even boys are really self conscious and think that they're average or ugly when they're really not. especially in teenage years, you're going to criticize yourself, but everyone else does it too. take it easy on yourself, and having a big calf muscle isn't a bad thing, it's muscle - not fat. and you're underweight - stop dieting!